President Trump. Throwing his gunz in the air.

Washington D.C, America

That was some speech he wrote and gave. Well, not really. Outstanding speech. The greatest speech with the greatest words ever to emit from the greatest and now most important mouth. The nation should be ever so grateful that President Donald Trump didn’t waste those promises and bromides on his twitter feed, maybe for the only reason is that some paragraphs of it exceeded 140 characters.

Now that I got the sarcasm (don’t call it snark, ever) out of the way, which is wont to do thanks to pervasive social media’s message and comment boards, it’s time to break it down to brass tacks.

Today’s ceremony, however, has very special meaning because, today, we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, D.C., and giving it back to you, the people.

That bold line got a lot of play somehow

Maybe the president thought it would have better context on the inaugural podium than some super villain pulling off a prison break.

For too long, a small group in our nation’s capital has reaped the rewards of government while the people have born the cost. Washington flourished, but the people did not share in its wealth. Politicians prospered, but the jobs left and the factories closed. The establishment protected itself, but not the citizens of our country. Their victories have not been your victories. Their triumphs have not been your triumphs and, while they celebrated in our nation’s capital, there was little to celebrate for struggling families all across our land.

What truly matters is not which party controls our government, but whether our government is controlled by the people. January 20th, 2017, will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this nation again. The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer.

Everyone is listening to you now. You came by the tens of millions to become part of an historic movement, the likes of which the world has never seen before. At the center of this movement is a crucial conviction that a nation exists to serve its citizens. Americans want great schools for their children, safe neighborhoods for their families, and good jobs for themselves. These are just and reasonable demands of righteous people and a righteous public, but for too many of our citizens, a different reality exists.

JFK gets flipped there. Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what you’re country can do for you. (This was from a comment by Helen Steeply on Gothamist)

Mothers and children trapped in poverty in our inner cities, rusted out factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape of our nation, an education system flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of all knowledge and the crime and the gangs and the drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed our country of so much unrealized potential. This American carnage stops right here and stops right now.

American carnage is a bit much, but the President loves hyperbole, he wouldn’t be here there right now without it. And American Carnage would be a great name for a death metal band. It’s very encouraging that he finds all students beautiful now, because he used to have very high standards of beauty

We are one nation and their pain is our pain. Their dreams are our dreams and their success will be our success. We share one heart, one home and one glorious destiny. The oath of office I take today is an oath of allegiance to all Americans. For many decades, we’ve enriched foreign industry at the expense of American industry, subsidized the armies of other countries, while allowing for the very sad depletion of our military.

He also would not be there without resorting to exaggeration. Our military is still the hugest in the world, and it only got huger thanks to the war on an idea terror.

We’ve defended other nations’ borders, while refusing to defend our own, and spent trillions and trillions of dollars overseas, while America’s infrastructure has fallen into disrepair and decay. We’ve made other countries rich while the wealth, strength and confidence of our country has dissipated over the horizon. One by one, the factories shuttered and left our shores with not even a thought about the millions and millions of American workers that were left behind. The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed all across the world.

No argument there at all, this is why he won. It shows how damn lucky he was that Manifest Hillary and the DNC infiltrated the news media to malign Bernie Sanders. Because this paragraph reads like something pulled from his campaign platform.

But, that is the past and now we are looking only to the future. We assembled here today, are issuing a new decree to be heard in every city, in every foreign capital, and in every hall of power. From this day forward, a new vision will govern our land. From this day forward, it’s going to be only America first. America first. Every decision on trade, on taxes, on immigration, on foreign affairs will be made to benefit American workers and American families.

We must protect our borders from the ravages of other countries making our products, stealing our companies and destroying our jobs. Protection will lead to great prosperity and strength. I will fight for you with every breath in my body and I will never, ever let you down.

Those last lines loosely sound like songs by the Police and Taylor Swift. Prosperity and strength almost sounds Orwellian. Considering that Trump, his senior advisor son-in-law, and his plutocabinet themselves got strength through prosperity.

America will start winning again. Winning like never before. We will bring back our jobs. We will bring back our borders. We will bring back our wealth. And we will bring back our dreams. We will build new roads and highways and bridges and airports and tunnels and railways all across our wonderful nation. We will get our people off of welfare and back to work rebuilding our country with American hands and American labor. We will follow two simple rules: buy American and hire American. We will seek friendship and goodwill with the nations of the world, but we do so with the understanding that it is the right of all nations to put their own interests first.

Trump is either too reliant on or prefers the use of repetition and even redundancy to get his message and narrative across. And this part almost sounds like a classic rally fight but a misunderstood mockery of fascists Queen song. And when did we lose our dreams? To whom? Does that mean Trump will order the Pentagon to assemble a unit of Dream Warriors? And what’s with getting the people off welfare, doesn’t he and his plutocabinet know that  67,891,000 citizens of different races who bleed the same blood are on it. Certainly a lot of the people that voted for him are using it, and they most certainly are employed, and they have a right to use it, because it’s a benefit provided to the people of this country which negates his contradictory promise in spades.

We do not seek to impose our way of life on anyone, but rather to let it shine as an example. We will shine for everyone to follow. We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones and unite the civilized world against radical Islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the earth. At the bedrock of our politics will be a total allegiance to the United States of America and, through our loyalty to our country, we will rediscover our loyalty to each other. When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice.

This is where it gets dicey. It takes a little sting off any subtle hints of fascism with the mentioning of a political bedrock buttressed by total and certainly unquestioning allegiance by prefacing not to impose. No doubt about the fight against radical religious terrorists, but the ways Trump and his advisors want to do it is just going to put gas on the fire by re-legalizing torture and supporting dictators like Assad. This has been suggested before.

The bible tells us how good and pleasant it is when god’s people live together in unity. We must speak our minds openly, debate our disagreements honestly, but always pursue solidarity. When America is united, America is totally unstoppable. There should be no fear. We are protected and we will always be protected. We will be protected by the great men and women of our military and law enforcement and most importantly, we will be protected by God.

Uh Oh. There’s the G word. Looks like Pence’s influence in the White House is strong here. It’s sad that the efforts of our military and cops across the nation have to be diminished by an omnipresent entity or theory.

Finally, we must think big and dream even bigger. In America, we understand that a nation is only living as long as it is striving. We will no longer accept politicians who are all talk and no action constantly complaining, but never doing anything about it. The time for empty talk is over. Now arrives the hour of action. Do not allow anyone to tell you that it cannot be done. No challenge can match the heart and fight and spirit of America. We will not fail. Our country will thrive and prosper again.

Very good point about spineless two-face officials, but people keep electing them over and over again. And if he thinks Obama couldn’t get shit done because of his party affiliations or possibly race, wait till he gets to deal with all the people he pissed off in the primary.

We stand at the birth of a new millennium ready to unlock the histories of space, to free the earth from the miseries of disease and to harness the energies, industries, and technologies of tomorrow. A new national pride will lift our sights and heal our divisions. It’s time to remember that old wisdom our soldiers will never forget, that whether we are black or brown or white, we all bleed the same red blood of patriots. We all enjoy the same glorious freedoms, and we all salute the same great American flag.

These are progressive plans which will be very challenging to accomplish since he’s planning to cut funding to NASA, health and energy departments. Or maybe he already did. As he already went back on his promise to start work on Monday. Nice sentiment there on uniting the races, but it sounds inspired by Michael Jackson. Bleed the same red blood. How cornpoke.

And whether a child is born in the urban sprawl of Detroit or the windswept plains of Nebraska, they look up at the same night sky. They fill their heart with the same dreams and they are infused with the breath of life by the same almighty creator. So, to all Americans in every city near and far, small and large, from mountain to mountain, from ocean to ocean, hear these words: You will never be ignored again. Your voice, your hopes and your dreams will define our American destiny. And your courage and goodness and love will forever guide us along the way.

There’s the C word, not courage, Creator.

Together we will make America strong again. We will make America wealthy again. We will make America proud again. We will make America safe again. And, yes, together, we will make America great again. Thank you. God bless you and god bless America. Thank you. God bless America.”

Isn’t it grand how he got to use his catchphrase at the end. Just like in the movies. Yippie kay yay motherfucker!

For a professional, and more thorough and astute analysis, read the one assembled by the staff at NPR. Better hurry fucking up, because President Trump is going to cut funding of that too, and will leave it open (more like vulnerable) to privitization. Which will lead to more dismissive tantrum lectures disguised as press conferences like that soulless patsy press secretary Sean Silver gave yesterday:

What makes this administration think they are going to get away with this?  More importantly, what makes them think this obfuscation is justified?

President Trump, through his petulant pissant proxy, is bawling about someone using their social media account made an observation about a huge (yuge is dead) contrast of the inauguration turnouts in 2009 and Friday. Which the new staff tried to correct by shutting down the twitter account the Dept. of the Interior from where it originated from.

CBS News

Trump’s Turnout Friday.

Obama’s Turnout 2009. Doh.

But thanks to National Parks, a shrewd journalist , the internets and the natural proclivity of millions of users to copy and paste, everybody in the world saw it and distributed it. Yet whiny Seanny Spice pathetically tried to dervishly spin it, using the rubric of fake news to point out the tarp and security measures, made it look smaller than 2009’s historic turnout for the first African American president. These fools are confusing grass with bodies.

Sean also found time to tell the press, thinking his position in Trump’s cabinet makes him the universal editor in chief and executive producer of print and TV journalism, to admonish them for neglecting to diligently cover the cabinet confirmation hearings in the senate which Trump Sean thinks is taking too long. Maybe if they were available for the initial provisional ethics reviews and their testimonial obtuse responses and abject refusals to answer questions in the hearings, this wouldn’t be a problem would it.

The biggest standout of these hearings, in terms of pop culture history because that’s where I am a viking, is when Billionaire Betsy “The Destroyer” Devos was questioned   about the proposal of dropping gun zone restrictions around schools:

Grizzly bears. So Ms. Davos, Amway Heiress, is using the same rationale that Ralphie used to subtly hint his parents in getting him a Red Rider Rifle in “A Christmas Story”

If there is any bright side to the arrival of this demented legion excuse of an administration, is that they are the stupidest bunch of grifters ever to attempt to take advantage of system and government largesse. Let’s hope all of the people of this nation notice it, and all those in Congress, the believers, the hacks if they still have a conscience, refuse and resist them. President Trump, according to the speech he let Bannon write, should empathize and do a serious and thorough enema of his atrocious picks. Unless the motive all along is just to waste taxpayer time.

That’s not a prudent way to drain the swamp. When you try to absorb it with bags of dead dicks and shit.