We are so much better than this.

Brooklyn:

A man was shot in a playground in Williamsburg at 9:00 p.m. and later died.

Also in Williamsburg, a man fell off a building balcony and plummeted to his death. The incident was upgraded from suicide to murder.

And again in Williamsburg, where the rents are stupid retarded high, a gay couple were accosted by two teenagers shouting bigoted slurs and threw a brick at them.

Once again in Williamsburg, where luxury grey and black tumorous towers loom across the street from rent-stabilized sturdy apartments, at the Bedford Ave. L train station in Brooklyn, a MTA worker caught a derelict urinating between cars and had police remove the pisser from the train was stalked, assaulted with punches and strangled by a dickhead thug commuter who defended the foul whizzer and did not appreciate what he determined as “snitching”.

In Flatbush at 11 p.m. a man was shot after he heard a knock and opened his door to the shooter. He died hours later.

In East New York, a woman bystander was grazed by a stray bullet from a hail of gunfire that was coming from a Foot Locker store nearby.

In Bensonhurst, Arcelay Camilo went on a robbery spree impersonating a cop clad in a polo shirt with a shield emblazoned on it.

A woman who edits the popular regional website Brownstoner, Cate Corcoran was slashed across the face by a crook who stole her iphone on the C train in Bed-Stuy.

At Brooklyn Bridge Park in Brooklyn Heights, during some roller skating discount, melees broke out among the groups. A single 15 year old girl was punched by another girl and then was surrounded by 6 more girls and was beaten down by the group and robbed of her iphone. And in another incident at the same park, 2 teenage boys, ages 16 and 18 were accosted by a gang of kids, one of them brandishing a gun, and were beaten and robbed of their valuables, notably (just guess) an iphone and a Salvatore Ferragano belt.

Salvadore Ferragamo belt, where is some access hollywood reporter when you need one? Hey what are you getting bludgeoned or shot for?

Bronx:

In Belmont a 19 year old man was shot in the neck on the street late afternoon at 5:10 p.m.

Queens:

A man robbed a NYCB bank in Howard Beach and tried to escape by hiding in a nursing home.

At John Bowne High School in Flushing, 3 kids were caught with knives trying to enter the school. A kid assaulted a cop trying to break up a fight he was involved in. And another 3 teens (possibly the same ones) stabbed a 16 year old in a hallway by the cafeteria.

A homeless man, robbed 4 churches of different faiths in Elmhurst, Corona & Flushing. His motive was that he was on a mission against God.

A contractor, Declan McElhatton, was charged with arson for illegaly using a torch that caused a massive blaze in an Elmhurst apartment building that left 67 families homeless.

Manhattan:

At the East Broadway F train station in Chinatown/L.E.S., a transit worker cleaning turnstiles was assaulted and attacked with pepper spray by a woman farebeater.

A man committed suicide by jumping out a window of the Helmsley Tower in Midtown, a week after a banker swindled by Bernie Madoff jumped to his death out of a hotel window 2 blocks away.

A man was stabbed twice by his cousin in Soho on W Houston St. and Broadway.

And an aspiring rapper named Ju was slashed in the face with a blade in the East Village. He tried to take an Uber car to the hospital, which the driver later kicked him out for getting blood on it. The victim was subsequently arrested after being treated for stitches for prior trespassing violations.

The suspects, 5 of them, are still on the loose