Sign of the times for the new cold war days. Metropolitan Avenue, Ridgewood, Queens. (Ricketts)

Manhattan

In the Lower East Side, a trio of grifters have been amusingly stealing from drunk  imbeciles in their 20’s leaving bars in the district. They order an Uber and cruise around looking for marks that are barely conscious enough to walk. Like one chump they found and asked him if he wanted to go to a strip club. The guy declines but still passes out and wakes up on the street at 4 a.m. to find his wallet and credit cards missing and multiple charges on it. And another mark who invites two of the swindlers to his hip pricey hotel room for some stone cold lampin’ and wakes up at 9 a.m. and finds his laptop and iphone gone.

Then the next night, the three amigos catch some fool drunk off his ass leaving a bar in the most hilarious heist ever concocted. As they walk together on the street, one of the cons ask the guy to use his phone to put his contact info on it, as the other two are fucking around with him to distract him and one of them asks the sucker to give him his wallet, and he gives it to him. The duped goes to the police and files a report that his credit and debit cards were stolen and he never got his phone back. Well, because you gave it to them in a drunken stupor dummy, case closed.

A week later at the same bar, another sucker gets loaded with a guy and leaves in a cab with him at 4 a.m. and then gives him his phone and wallet when his new broheim asks for it and discovers his credit and debit cards and his phone gone too post-hangover. The three grifters are still at large because their victims can’t identify them because they were too blotzed to recall their faces.

Reading this moron blotter, it immediately came to mind that these suckers are the people, the target demo that the city planners, marketers, developers and landlords are pandering to and are trying to displace hard working and never playing and higher taxpaying middle class and stagnant salaried citizens from their homes and towns. And the reason why there are bars and barstaurants everywhere you blink in gentrified areas. And with absolute certainty, more incidents and crime waves like these will continue. Oh, the humanity!

Meanwhile, in other parts of the city involving unwilling subjects…

In Chelsea, a 94 year old man with a brain tumor was beaten up and robbed of his wallet and car keys while his girlfriend was bringing groceries to their home after they went shopping.

On the L train in Union Square, three girls surrounded a 19-year-old woman on the platform and snatched a wallet from her purse and boarded the train. When the robbery victim tried to get her property back, the 3 girls beat her up and ran off.

Also in Union Square, a jerk who wanders around public spaces with a sign tried to hug a woman and then punched her in the face when she refused.

Again in Union Square on the 6 train, a man sexually molested a woman that turned out to be an undercover cop and got his perv ass arrested.

In the East Village, a man wildly shot multiple rounds at a bike rider on the street sometime in the dark morning hours.

At Central Park by East Harlem, a man was found dead hanging on a noose in a tree.

Also in Central Park by Harlem, a man from Sweden walking on the road was mugged and beaten for his wallet around midnight

Again in Central Park by Harlem, luxury apartment tenants are reporting that people are having public sexual intercourse in broad daylight in full view from their balconies.

And again in Central Park on the Upper West Side, a man was stalked then beaten and robbed of his wallet and phone by three men after he was taking pictures on the top of a hill.

In Harlem, an inebriated woman was raped in broad daylight by two men against a gate.

Also in Harlem, a man committed suicide jumping out of his apartment window after a domestic dispute.

In East Harlem, a man followed a woman into an elevator and sexually assaulted her, the woman fought off the deviant after he threw her on the floor in the lobby and tried to take her clothes off. He then ran out of the building and is still loose on the streets.

In Greenwich Village, an 81-year-old actress entering her apartment building at 7 p.m. was followed by a man who then punched her repeatedly and knocked her down in the vestibule and then robbed her purse of her belongings.

In Chelsea, a 94 year old man with a brain tumor was beaten up and robbed of his wallet and car keys while his girlfriend was bringing groceries to their home after they went shopping.

Also in Chelsea at the 23rd st. station, two girls accused an 83-year-old man of leering at them as they were slovenly making out with each other on the C train, then followed the man as he left the station and then both of them punched him and knocked him to the ground.

Again in Chelsea, a dentist was busted on meth dealing and possession of the crank and kiddie porn.

In Hamilton Heights, a mentally disturbed man was shot after he charged at 2 cops with knives in both hands.

In Columbus Circle, decorative pebbles were falling from a building onto the street, presumably by some shithead throwing them off a rooftop lounge.

In Midtown West, a woman committed suicide jumping out of the 26th floor window at the Symphony Houses.

In Washington Heights, a 63-year-old woman was murdered by her boyfriend who stabbed her in the chest and bashed her head with a dumbbell. He tried to commit suicide by slashing his wrists after he killed her.

In Times Square, an intoxicated box truck driver collided into 7 cars as he tried to head west towards 10th avenue, then abandoned his vehicle and started yelling like a lunatic and then attempted to steal a fire engine.

In Greenwich Village, a somewhat famous rapper was slashed in the face twice at a niteclub.

In the Meatpacking District, a familiar sports reporter was also randomly slashed in the face by a man while ordering food from a street halal truck.

At the Gracie Mansion in Yorkville, a man recently evicted from his apartment in Staten Island tried to enter the grounds and threatened to kill everyone inside. Looks like some affordable housing did not get preserved.

At the Port Authority Terminal by Times Square, a man randomly approached a woman and shouted xenophobic slurs and punched her in the face.

In Midtown, three men spray painted a pink swastika on a synagogue. Pink?

At the American Museum Of Natural History on the Upper West Side, a statue of Teddy Roosevelt was splattered with red paint and a message demanding it’s and other statues removals.

In Kips Bay, a woman was found dead under a cabinet in her apartment and her boyfriend was arrested. A neighbor remarked that the new people that have taken residence in the area only asks “who’s selling” instead of “where the supermarket is”

On the M train leaving the Essex St. station on the Lower East Side, a woman pulled out a razor blade and slashed a commuter on his arm after arguing about bumping into each other earlier.

On the 3 train by the 72nd Street station on the Upper West Side, a man was discovered sleeping under the seating. While outrageous, dismaying and depressing, at least the derelict was thoughtful to let commuters sit there. If they dared.

The current Mayor, de Faustio, finds this scene unacceptable. I guess the tuckered out gentlemen couldn’t get a safe and secure room in a taxpayer funded hotel room, homeless shelter or cluster apartment.

Also on the 1 train on the Upper West Side, an 11-year old girl exiting the train was sexually molested by a man who looks like a hipster Brutus.

Brooklyn

In Greenpoint, a gawking crowd assembled at a street intersection to watch some stupid fucking idiots in their cars driving around in circles in it.

In East New York, 2 reported missing teenage girls were held hostage by 3 people in their 20’s who planned to force them into prostitution.

Also in East New York, a 9-year-old got hit and crippled by a box truck while crossing Linden Blvd unsupervised. A thoroughfare with four lanes.

In Flatbush and Crown Heights, 5 people were shot at and seriously wounded from a drive-by shooting at a street intersection and at a barber shop in a span of 5 minutes.

In Crown Heights, a building roof collapsed from the weight of cinderblocks placed on the roof, trapping and injuring 6 workers.

In Bushwick, a man sneaked into a woman’s apartment and raped her as she slept at 10:30 a.m.. The victim’s apartment door was unlocked.

Also in Bushwick on the platform of the G train Metropolitan Avenue station, a woman was threatened, followed then assaulted with kicks and punches by another woman who she bumped into leaving the train.

In Gowanus, a woman was slashed on the throat and wrist by a homeless man she saw lurking as she was trying to lock her bike.

In Vinegar Hill by the Farragut Houses, a man was shot at 5 times and killed at a bus stop at 9 p.m.

In Ocean Hill at the Rockaway Ave. Station, a gang of eight men mugged 2 teenage boys of their money, electronics and sneakers after arranging to sell their kicks and hoodies  on a shitty social networking platform.

In Brighton Beach, a fight in a 7-11 between 5 men spilled onto the street and led to the stabbing death of an 18-year-old man and the slashing of his cousin.

In East Flatbush, an elderly man shot and killed his friend after they were getting shit-faced drunk and got into a fight in the early afternoon.

On the R train in Sunset Park at a quarter to four in the afternoon, a man* stepped on a another man’s sneakers and punched him in the face and repeatedly beat him down on the floor of the car after the victim yelled at him for doing that.

*This is the guy

On the 5 train in Flatbush, a man creeped up next to a woman sleeping and masturbated next to her. The perv then tried to flee by punching a transit cop.

In Williamsburg,  two men stole a purse containing $25,000 belonging to a food vendor who left her car for a few minutes.

Also in Williamsburg, a biker was struck and knocked down on the street by turning box truck driven by a man with a suspended license.

Again in Williamsburg, a 17-year-old boy persuaded a 13-year-old girl to give him oral sex in a stairwell at a high school.

And again in Williamsburg, a man sneaked into a overvalued luxury loft building’s bike parking amenity and stole 2 bikes worth $11,000. 11 grand. For 2 fucking bikes. Lock your shit up dummies.

In DUMBO, a man leaving an overpriced fast food chain noticed his dogs he tied to a tree were being teased by a group of kids. When he confronted them, one threw his milkshake at him and one of them sucker-punched him from behind, knocked him to the ground and then took a picture of himself and the victim with his phone.

In Midwood, burglars broke into the back door of the office of State Senator Simca Felder then busted through a wall leading to the deli on the first floor and stole $5,000 worth of merchandise from it.

In Gravesend, a subway car had it’s windows smashed and broken after someone broke into the rail yard.

In Greenwood, a father and son went outside to smoke during a house party and both died of a drug overdose of heroin. Likely mixed with fentanyl.

In Borough Park at the New Utrecht station, a man committed suicide by jumping in front of the arriving D train

In Bensonhurst, a man was arrested after he was found possessing guns, ammo, knives and drugs in his apartment on a tip from his parole officer.

At the Barclays Center in Downtown Brooklyn, a crowd tried to access the arena by knocking down barricades for a rap concert despite not having tickets for the show, which left thousands of  ticketholders stranded outside unable to get in.

Two people have been arrested in the burglary of a Bed-Stuy home that caused a 91-year-old man to die from cardiac arrest after being hog-tied by the health aide assigned to them who concocted the grisly invasion along with her nephew. The third person has been identified and is still on the loose. It’s likely that the elderly couple knew their attackers through the aide.

Queens

In Ozone Park, a block away from John Gotti’s old social club, a small businessman and his son was approached by three well-dressed men in his establishment who held him up for cash as one of them pulled a gun and shot the father in the head and pistol whipped his son during work hours in front of other employees. A loan shark was accepting weekly payment installments from the merchant to cover a debt to him and suddenly demanded to be paid the debt in full. The merchant died a week after the holdup and the three goons are still at large though they left a hat and an empty clip behind.

This is the last thing this town needs, a return to the days of mob rule and the cognitive dissonance and passive acceptance of it.

In Richmond Hill, a 13-year-old girl stepping off a bus was stalked and called a racial slur by a grown man who then threw a bottle of fluid on her.

In Far Rockaway, a 14-year-old girl was abducted by a man in a car who took her to his apartment and raped her.

In Jamaica around 1 p.m., a man irrationally shoved an 84-year-old man to the ground and broke his arm.

In Pomonok, a man leaving a fried chicken restaurant got into a street hassle with another man and threw his large soda at him. The doused man then pulled out a gun and shot at him 3 times as he ran off, hitting him in the ass twice.

 

In Middle Village, two men in a car were shooting a paintball gun at random people including a 2-year-old boy.

Also in Middle Village, a man walking his bike by Juniper Park was hit by a car that pinned him against a parked vehicle. The suspected driver fled the scene.

In Corona at the 7 line 103rd st. Station, a woman was molested by a shirtless man as she was walking down the stairs and was punched in the face by him after she defended herself.

In Springfield Gardens, 5 cops in a NYPD Cruiser approaching an idling vehicle with a sleeping man inside on the Belt Parkway were attacked and hit by the car as the driver sped into them.

In Flushing, an outbreak of Legionnaire’s disease sickened 14 people.

In Jackson Heights, a man was killed by a hit-and-run driver at 5 a.m.

Also in Jackson Heights, 3 men robbed a cell phone store of one iphone.

Bronx

In Wakefield on the elevated 5 train, a homeless man sexually assaulted a commuter by giving him oral and rubbed another commuter’s junk and stole his wallet and headphones while both victims were napping.

In Fordham Manor, a 17-year-old boy fighting with someone with a machete, ran from a police van and got hit by it as the cops tried to catch him.

In Allerton, a man arrested on weapons and drug charges fled the cops while in handcuffs and bragged about the incident on a shitty social media platform.

In Bronx Park South, a man was shot and stabbed and left for dead by a man and woman in the female suspect’s apartment.

In Morris Heights, a man leaving a party was shot twice in the chest and head and died on the street a block from his house at 2 a.m.

In Mount Eden, a man walking on the street suddenly pulled out 2 knives and started swinging them at another man he ambushed on the sidewalk, stabbing him in the back and head.

In Longwood, a man got killed by a hit-and-run driver in broad daylight near a church.

In Woodstock, a man driving an SUV met another man who was selling a jacket to him, then suddenly hit the gas and dragged him four blocks and throwing him on the street then fled the area. The victim died later.

In Wakefield, two men broke into a basement apartment with a 10-year-old boy inside, and robbed $8,000 worth of jewelry after they tied the boy with a belt by his neck on a pipe.

In Norwood, a crack dealer assaulted and raped a woman in a secluded building who was haggling him over a sale.

In Mott Haven, 2 people were shot at and another 2 people were slashed outside a bar after a brawl escalated inside.

In Highbridge, a brick crashed through a moving city bus and injured a passenger.

In Soundview, 3 men approached 2 other men on the street at 3 a.m. and robbed them of their cash after one of the perps placed a cane on his victims neck and another showed a knife

Also in Soundview, a teenager killed himself when he crashed his car into a tractor-trailer, hitting a guardrail and smashing another car after speeding and driving recklessly on the Cross Bronx Expressway.

In Foxhurst at I.S. 219, a teacher with prior abuse offenses smacked a 12-year-old student in the face during class.

In the South Bronx, a man tried to abduct a 16-year-old girl in his car who then bit his hand and escaped.

At the 50th Precinct in Kingsbridge, two female police officers got into a brawl and had their badges and guns taken from them. (That’s what it takes to get disciplined by NYPD high brass?!!, too bad they didn’t know Jona and Jacob and this didn’t happen 3 years ago.)

In Eastchester on the last stop of the 5 train, a man was found dead sitting down on a seat during a sweeping.

Staten Island

In Midland Beach, a baby died from an overdose of painkillers and Valium. The infant’s mother had prior charges of neglect and drug abuse and the father had an order of protection placed on him.

In Rossville, a man spray painted the word Kike and a swastika on a garage door because they sounded Jewish.

In the North Shore, a drunken idiot who stole a boat from Joisey tried to abandon it at the S.I. Ferry terminal.

In Concord, a man shot at 2 houses, vandalized cars and set a van on fire over a dispute over parking spaces.

In Mariners Harbor, two men leaving a party at a catering hall went to a bodega and got into an argument with a customer who pulled out a gun and shot them, hitting one of them in the chest and killing him.

Also in Marines Harbor, a man assaulted a commuter at a bus stop at 3:30 p.m.

In South Beach, a stupid contractor was driving a one ton vehicle on the roof of a NYCHA building.

Let’s be careful out there, especially into the night. And don’t talk to strangers while you’re loaded.