Times Square, NYC, NY

Village Voice: NYPD Announces New Rules for Times Square’s Two Million NYE Ball Droppers

At a press conference this morning, Mayor Bill de Blasio and the NYPD laid out new rules for ball droppers convening in Times Square as early as 4 a.m. on New Year’s Eve. Items now not permitted in Times Square: Alcohol (huh?), duffle bags, any backpacks, and umbrellas. Additional crucial item not provided: public bathrooms.

The NYPD announced that it is expecting more than 2 million people in Times Square on Saturday, with over 7,000 officers on duty to provide security. In addition to the police, the city will be rolling out 65 sand and Sanitation trucks to surround Times Square, to prevent any trucks being used as a weapon, similar to recent terror attacks.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

This will truly be a test of people’s mettle. But going by the excessive and quite sadistic security plan and the massive throngs of bodies that will arrive and be subjectively penned in like a Syrian refugee camp, it’s safe to assume that those who are responsible for their safety, namely Mayor Shitshow and the higher echelon of N.Y.’s Finest have concluded that these particular revelers have no mettle at all.

How else can one condone this?  How is denying people the right to drink in the new year for auld lang syne, especially this wretched year, by denying people champagne, which flies in the face over the lack of enforcement when it comes to the vagrant mobs of Santacon. How is protecting the public from terrorist acts by denying them bathrooms and blocking the streets with sanitation trucks filled with tons of sand? And how does banning umbrellas factor into this? (Are ISIS taking tips from the Penguin?)  There is not even going to be rain in the forecast. There is not even a fucking confirmed threat.

How are these people going to eat? Since backpacks are banned also. Maybe part of the plan is to get that goober albino Guy Fieri, the Hard Rock Cafe and all those other rancid food court theme restaurants to throw their marked up lousy fast food to the stockades of people like how fishermen throw chum to get the big catch

It has become official that the city has finally acknowledged the vapidity of the billions of overwhelming, frivolous spending tourists flocking to the city in the past decade. Mayor de lame version of de Laurentiis may have confirmed this with his recent knucklehead statement:

“I’m not quite sure why a million people want to stand in the freezing cold for long periods of time”

At least he’s alienating people who can’t vote here.

This apparatus concocted is so cruel and terrible, that the actual plan to thwart an attack might be to actually discourage people from showing up at all. With no people, no casualties. Isis loses. But do they really? Whenever there are holiday celebrations in public, we have to take ludicrous safety measures that winds up oppressing our own citizenry and erodes our personal freedoms and space every second. Our officials overreactions has made them more flaccid in the eyes of our self-destructive enemies.

But the millions of fools will show up anyway, obsequious to the city’s draconian demands and fill up the pens like good Americans. It’s certain that to tolerate standing still in one direction for 24 hours like pigs in gestation crates, they’ll all be sporting Depends. There has to be a reason why there is a chain pharmacy everywhere you blink. If the city is smart, they make them the sponsor of the night and have their logo on those lame hats and sticks they make all those suckers wear when the clock strikes 12.

I have a stinking feeling that it’s already been considered…

Gross. Fuck you 2016, 2 days left motherfucker.